Have I mentioned that I love my church?

This week has been Vacation Bible School at West End Presbyterian Church.  Basically, it's the most exhilarating and exhausting week of the year at the church!  Alexis has jumped right in and participated in all aspects of VBS.  Here are some of my favorites from VBS:

Relay races at Outdoor Games

Dancing during Large Group Songs

Rocking out with Komet Kristin (local celebrity)

Because I work part-time at the church, I brought Alexis with me to work today.  I had no idea how she would do because her attention span is not that long, and an office is a boring place for a 9-year-old.  

 Entangling herself in Scotch tape at my office.

My dear Taiwanese friend came to the church and read Chinese books to her, played with her and took her out for lunch so that I could crank out some work.  Alexis also spent some time with my co-workers.  That went well:

Dancing with my co-workers

 Health Update:

• Urinalysis ruled out a UTI or diabetes.  Frequent urination is still an issue but not as bad.  Pursuing some elevated #s from urinalysis but don't have much info on that yet.

• Eye exam this Saturday.  Boom!

• Awaiting written permission (have received verbal permission) from China to have a few teeth extracted.  Alexis' teeth are crowded, and this is a simple fix. A local dentist is willing to do this procedure in office as the result of two friends asking her to consider taking on this patient.  It's a quick turn-around for a dental procedure so I'm very grateful for her willingness.  Date is TBD.

Observations:

• Hearing her native language (especially on tv) almost always brings tears.  I was so excited for her to watch Dora and Backyardigans in Chinese today, but within a few minutes of starting Dora, she burst into tears.  This is not the first time that there have been tears during tv.  The translator and I think that hearing her language makes her homesick.  In some ways, it's encouraging because she misses her caregivers and friends.  She is loved.

• Bedtime is still a little hard.  Once the sun starts to set, Alexis starts motioning to me that she does not want to go to bed.  She's not whiny or annoying about it, but she always lets me know that she doesn't want to go to bed.  But when the time for bed comes, she gets in the bed without a fight.  I have not been able to just leave the room yet if she is awake.  I sit down, put my hand on her and wait for her to fall asleep.  Because we do a lot in a day, she is usually asleep within 6 or 7 minutes.

• We're working on learning to play independently or with my other kids.  So far, we've only had moderate success with playing doctor and dolls.  I've adjusted my mentality and now I incorporate her into more of my work around the house.  She helps me unload the dishwasher each morning, set the table for meals or sharpen pencils while I cook (she LOVES this).  

The doctor is in

• I have given up trying to get her to eat breakfast.  She just wants a cup of warm milk, and I'm going to be fine with this.  She tends to eat more later in the day....maybe from time change?  I had really hoped to fatten her up while she was here, but so far, she doesn't like ice cream, candy bars or McDonald's milkshakes.  Say what?  She does like pizza (a lot) and whole milk, though, so we're focusing on calorie consumption.

Closing Remarks & What We Need

• People are so generous.  Seriously, you guys are the best!  Thank you to all who have provided spending money, meals, clothes, shoes, etc.  Thank you also for just listening to me vent when I'm having a rough patch. 

• This is hard.  Very hard.  There are a thousand ups and downs in a day. In any given hour, I have felt hopeful, hopeless, bitter, frustrated, humbled, impatient, blessed, overwhelmed, regret, relief, elation, etc.  For example, Alexis and I were alone at the grocery store today.  We were in the checkout line, and she really wanted a candy bar so I motioned that she could pick out one.  I'm thinking, "Of course I'll buy her a candy bar.  When is this child ever going to get a candy bar? I'm a generous person. Plus, my other kids aren't with me so this is the perfect time to buy candy."  We debated about which candy bar to get and she finally settled on a Nutrageous.  Good choice.  I pay for it, quickly open it and hand it to her.  She sniffs it, waves her hand that she doesn't like it and gives it back to me.  Next thought: "What?  Are you kidding me?  You didn't even try it! Who passes up a candy bar?  Don't be a brat. This was a special treat that you were supposed to enjoy."  Followed by guilty thoughts of, "How can you be angry at an orphan?  You can't even begin to imagine what she's been through.  Get off of your high horse."  TIRING.  As I was driving home, I vented to a friend about this and she encouraged me to cut myself some slack.  Easier said than done, but I'm working on it.

• We have received 3 Lewis Ginter passes, and I plan to take the crew in the coming weeks.  We could use 1 or 2 more passes if you know of any that are available. 

• We are able to pay for the teeth extraction (around $350), but if you would LIKE to help with this cost, feel free to send me a message about how to do that. ZERO PRESSURE.  

• Please continue to pray for a forever home for Alexis.  Please also pray for endurance for our family and that GRACE would abound in our home and in our hearts.

• Please forward this blog along to anyone you think may be interested in an international adoption. 

Thank you for reading!

Highs and Lows

Alexis is eager to try new things.  I love this about her.  She's eager to meet new people, taste a new food or have a new experience.  She is also eager to tell me if she does NOT like a new food or experience.  Here are some NEW things she enjoyed at a friend's birthday party:

Splashing!

She laughed every time she was splashed!

Slip n' slide

Family swing time

She wanted to try all the swings

At the playground this morning, a kid brought his motorized car.  She eyed it for a while and then walked over to it and got inside.  She sat there a minute until someone came to drive her around in it.  You go, Girl!

I have taken Alexis to our neighborhood pool once (while D stayed home with napping H).  She liked it, but she got very cold and was tired of the pool in about an hour.  It was clear that she had never been in an pool.  She liked the sensation of her legs floating and her hair touching the water. Hope to get pics of her in the "big pool" at some point.  She spent a chunk of our time at the pool watching a group of folks play corn hole.  I wasn't sure if she was tracking with the game, but then she would blurt out "Awww...." when someone got close to scoring.  It was really dear and fun to watch.

I took her back to the neighborhood pool this morning while the girls had swim practice.  The pool is closed during practice, but she liked to watch from the sidelines and play in the baby pool:

Watching the girls at swim practice

Baby pool is cold in the morning!

A significant struggle that we've had yesterday and today has been that Alexis wants me to hold her when we are in public.  In our house, she walks and runs around freely.  When we go places, though, she wants me to hold her.   As in, my back and wrist hurt from holding her.  Even if we had no biological children, I'd be unable to keep up the pace of holding her this much.  I asked a translator about this, and Alexis said that her legs are tired.  I do think that she tires easily, but I think that she craves closeness.  Solution: Now, we take a stroller everywhere, and Alexis hops in and out as she pleases.  I'm hoping that this new system will work.  So far, so good.

In a stroller at VBS.  Just after this pic was taken, she got up and played tag.

Speaking of VBS, Alexis has amazed me as she has participated in our church's Vacation Bible School this week.  She laughs (appropriately) during the skits and lesson time, she does all the crafts, tries (and rejects) the snacks and stands to sing the songs.  A HUGE reason why VBS has been so great is our dear Taiwanese friend (pictured below) who has stayed with Alexis to translate.  No words to thank her for this kindness.  She is a GEM of a person. 

Beautiful friend who has translates for Alexis at VBS

Tonight, Alexis cried a few times at VBS.  The best that the translator and I can figure, she gets scared when the music is too loud or the situation is too stimulating.  So a few times, we rolled her out of a room or to the sidelines  of an activity. She wanted to see what was going on but from a distance.

One struggle that doesn't have a clear solution is how to get Alexis to play independently or with our biological children in our home.  In our home at all times, she is within one or two feet of D "Baba"or me.  She is always present and is SUPER eager to help.  She wanted to unload our dishwasher at 5:45 this AM (Help me, Lord).  I can laugh about it now, but it can be very irritating during the day.  What I would say to my kids in this situation is, "Go play!" but this does not work for her.  I can't quite figure it out, but it's almost as if she doesn't know how to play.  She will play if I sit down and play with her, but she won't (or can't) do this on her own.  She will not watch tv unless I sit down to watch tv.  I don't think I'll ever sort it all out, but it's hard to tell what is the result of the language barrier, developmental delays, health conditions or institutionalization.

New beads from sweet neighbors

Goggles and "Baba"

If Baba is in the room, so is Alexis.

A more minor struggle we've had is with bedtime.  Alexis does not like to go to bed.  Once it starts getting dark outside, she starts to gesture to me that she doesn't want to go to bed.  I appreciate that she's giving me a heads up. :)  She has been going to bed around 9-9:30pm every night and this morning she was up at 5:30am.  So I knew that she could not fight me for long on going to bed.  I tuck her in and then rub her back for a few minutes.  The past two nights, she has been asleep within 5-7 minutes of this.  She cries to let us know that she is awake.

Alexis is very silly and very quick to smile.  She loves to make faces and silly sounds.  When Harrison does something that makes me want to scream, she is the first to laugh about his antics.  It diffuses my anger with him (most of the time).   When something surprises her, she has a long drawn out "WOW" that makes me laugh every time. Here she is being silly about her frozen yogurt:

Health update:

• Pediatrician doing urinalysis tomorrow just to rule out a UTI.  The frequent urination has improved significantly.  Talked to the caregivers (via the coordinator) about this, and they said it has happened before when she is nervous or excited.  Today she seemed totally normal to me in the urination department. :)
• Pro bono eye exam this Saturday morning thanks to a very kind eye doctor and a bold friend who asked for his help.
• Exploring options for a dental check-up.  Any actual work done on her would require permission of her caregiver.  Obviously, I'm not a dentist (although I lived with a dental hygienist for 2 years), but I'm certain that she has too many teeth.

Final thoughts:

• We have the greatest friends and family.  Unequivocally.  We would NOT be able to do this without the constant encouragement from family, friends, neighbors and our church body.

• God is faithful and present...always.

 Photos courtesy of Jennifer Newlin and Meagan Samuel.

She's here!

At airport in China...heading to the US for the 1st time!

We drove to Reagan National Airport yesterday with our dear friend Tracy (who will be hosting for the 4th time in the coming weeks).  I'm a verbal processor so it was great to have her along to talk through my nervous ramblings.  Davison, bless his heart, had to focus on DC traffic and he did a great job of that!

Alexis' flight was delayed a few times, but our girls were awesome waiting at the airport.  We even had time to have desserts with some of the awesome staff of Living Hope International.

Waiting on the (smokers) terrace.  If you look closely, you'll see the Washington Monument to the right of D's head.  Reagan Airport is so cool because you can get so close to the runway!

 Why is there no picture of Tracy? Dah!

Tracy and I commented to each other several times, "Can you even imagine how brave these kids have to be?"  Can you even imagine?  How brave, strong and resilient are these kids?!

There are no words to describe the moment when we met Alexis.  I will be forever grateful for Tracy who was there to capture it.  Tears were a flowin':

While I was meeting Alexis for the first time, she pointed to my mouth.  I thought she was pointing to my cavity - yikes!  But she was actually pointing to the gum in my mouth. :)  She is very observant.

Welcome to our crew, Girlfriend!

Alexis only came with the things in her backpack so there was no baggage claim.  We headed home.  We stopped for gas and to use the bathroom and were home by 9pm.  Long day, but Alexis never complained once.  I was IN AWE of how well she traveled.  She reached out her hand to me and let me lead her all around...amazing.

Emily reads some Chinese phrases on the ride home.

My parents kept Mr. Mess for us while we were in DC.  It was fun to come home to them and introduce them to Alexis.  Alexis immediately sat in my mom's lap.  She would run across the room and jump into my mom's lap.  

Everyone loves Grandma!

Grandma had a bowl of noodles ready for Alexis when we got home.  After snacks, we were all exhausted so we quickly got ready for bed.  Alexis was eager to show us that she can dress herself and brush her teeth.  While she is here, she is sharing a bedroom with our two girls.  She willingly got into the bed and I thought we were doing great, but as I got up to leave, she began to cry.  Real tears.  So I sat back down with her and rubbed her back.  I tried to leave a few minutes later...more tears.  It came to mind that Living Hope asks that we treat the host children the way we treat our "own" children.  I would never just walk out of the room if one of my kids were crying.  So I sat back down with her and assured her she was okay.  It was heart wrenching.  Can you even imagine what this sweet child of the Living God was thinking about?  She was snoring within 10 minutes. I snuck to my bedroom and didn't hear another peep from anyone until 8:30am.  Thank you, Lord.

Day 2 (switching to bullet points in no particular order):

• Alexis is absolutely precious.  Whatever I do with my kids, she wants done to her.  I kiss someone's cheek, she wants her cheek kissed.  I brush a kid's hair, she wants her hair brushed.  She stands next to me in the kitchen...eagerly watching me cook, do dishes, etc.  She offers to help and stands within a foot or two of me all the time.  She could hardly wait to put towels into the dryer tonight. 

• She is SO MUCH more affectionate than I imagined.  It occurred to me today that she is like a Golden Retreiver who has no concept of his size.  This child is 9 1/2 years old and wants me to carry her as if she were a 1-year-old.  It is incredibly dear.  I wish I had unlimited arm strength.  She reaches for me to pick her up like my 2-year-old does.  She wants to hold my hand or D's hand.  She hugs Davison whenever he walks into the room.  I know hardly anything about adoption, but in my opinion, this child seems very capable of attaching to a family.  She is so warm, loving and eager to please.

• She has not attached to our kids as quickly as I would have thought.  The language barrier is very hard.  Emily tries, but K has struggled to connect.  Alexis is very attached to me.  Wants me to go to the bathroom with her (but not watch her) and wants me to sit next to her for all activities.  If I walk into another room, I usually hear "Mama!" from her within 30 seconds.  Btw, she was trained to call us "Mama" and "Baba."  She says those words ALL THE TIME.

 

The girls share a love of beads

• Things she likes:  Legos, beads, cutting paper, going down the slide in our playroom, washing her hands, playing in the water, trying on shoes/necklaces, dancing, listening to music, being silly, milk, fruit, noodles, eggs, chocolate, Cheez-Its.

She loves Legos!

• Things she is NOT into: cats and dogs, television (boo...working on that because Mama needs a break), meat, grapes, being alone.

• We had a woman from Taiwan come to the house this morning to speak to Alexis in Mandarin Chinese.  It was such a gift.  The translator was able to ask A a few questions that I had and tell her a few things also.  I learned that A is cold in our house...easy fix. The translator said that she can tell that A has developmental delays.  She said that she had to repeat simple instructions to her several times.

• My understanding is that A has spina bifida, a congenital heart defect and developmental delays.  She has a significant scar near her tailbone and one down the center of her chest. She has had at least 2 surgeries.  She has trouble with balance, and I hold her hand to go up and down stairs.  She tires easily. 

• She urinates frequently.  Very frequently.  Is this normal?  Am I giving her too much to drink? She seems really thirsty.  UTI or diabetes?  Am I overthinking this?  Is this normal for her diagnoses?  Follow up needed on that.

• I think she could benefit from glasses or an eye exam.  Her eyes don't seem right to me, and she really struggles with depth perception.  She likes to hold hands when we're walking because she easily trips.

• She is very funny.  She loves to laugh.  She sings to herself sometimes..adorable.  She thinks Harrison is hilarious and likes to laugh at his antics.  She makes goofy faces sometimes and she likes to kid around.  

 Learning about our automated trash can

•  In many ways, it feels like having a newborn in the house.  It's hard to describe, but for those of you with newborns or if remember having a newborn, you can probably relate.  You feel like you're running in circles...trying to survive...forgetting to eat lunch...reheating your coffee 15x...crying because your heart is so filled with love...not really resting even when asleep, etc.  It is every range of emotion and physically and emotionally tiring...and all worth it.

• The hardest moment since Alexis' arrival came early this afternoon.  Harrison had just gone down for his nap.  I put a show on for the girls, and I was eager to sit down and blog. I uploaded the airport arrival video to the blog, and Alexis pointed to it and wanted to watch it.  Less than 3 seconds into the video, she was sobbing...moaning...tears streaming down her face.  I turned off the video and called the Chinese translator who is in NC and available to call anytime.  She spoke to Alexis over the phone and A just sobbed and sobbed.  The translator said that A misses her caregivers and it's just a lot for a little person to process.  She encouraged me to just hold her and reassure her. So I closed my laptop, put my arms around her, the girls got her some Starbursts, and we did beads while watching a show.  And then I sobbed.  Not sure why.  I am so in awe of this child's strength, and I'm so grieved by all that she's missed by not having a forever home.  We sat and wiped each other's tears. 

• We attended a friend's "backyard splash" birthday party today, and I have some awesome photos from that but they're on Davison's phone and he's gone to bed. Alexis was overjoyed to get in the baby pool and play on the playset.  She's incredibly willing to try new things.  It was very fun to be with her!

• We could NOT do this without the support of our friends and family.  Thank you all!  

• Things we need:  PRAYER.  So many of you have prayed for us.  I've gotten so many encouraging texts, FB messages, etc.  THANK YOU.  PLEASE don't stop.  We could also use some bead sets if you have any that you don't want.  Last thing: Lewis Ginter  Botanical Garden one-day passes.  I'd like for the whole family to go together.  I'd put Harrison & Alexis in a stroller because it's a lot of walking.  I think she'd love a day in the gardens and they have an amazing Lego exhibit that I think she'd love!

• Thanks for reading.  More when I can post!

 

Headband and necklace!

Our Crazy Crew

I read so many wonderfully written blogs.  I doubt that this will be one of those blogs.  My strong suit is not writing.  My strong suit is organization, and a get ‘er done attitude. I love information...acquiring it and disbursing it.  That's why being an administrator at my beloved church is my dream job. So if you can bear with my bullet-point brain, please read on:  

•  Davison and I have never hosted an orphan, and we have no idea what we are doing.

• I, especially, have felt a nudging the past few years to help with the orphan crisis.  Our church has a group of folks who are VERY active in orphan care, and I have been so encouraged and challenged by their faith and determination.

• Now that our youngest biological child is 2 years old, we feel like we are “coming up for air” in our home.  For the most part, everyone sleeps at night and we are on a fairly “normal” routine. This was the first year that we considered hosting. 

 Harrison (age 2) keeps us hopping!

• We talked about hosting a few months ago, but decided that we’d wait one more year and host in summer 2017.  We really wanted to host a girl in the hopes that our 2 biological daughters (ages 4 & 7) could play with her more easily.  When we looked through the profiles of hosting children for summer 2016, it was almost all boys.

 

 Katherine (4.5) and Emily (7) love to laugh...and argue.

• At the last minute, we learned via Facebook that a family had to cancel out of hosting a child.  A plane ticket had already been purchased for her to come to the US this summer.  The child had been told she had a family to host her and Living Hope International put out the call for a family to help.  We volunteered.

• We are hosting “Alexis,” a 9-year-old girl who has never been to the US before.  

"Alexis" - how sweet is she?!

• We are under no pretense that this will be easy.  It will be hard and inconvenient.  I've had moments this week when the kids are going nuts, we're yelling, crying, tired or hungry (or all of the above) and I've thought, "What in the world are we doing?"  Fortunately, I've had more moments of thinking, "I can't wait to take Alexis to ____." Or, "I hope Alexis will like _____."  We are so eager to meet her, show her our simple life and shower her with the love of Jesus and family.

•  The first question that most everyone asks is, “How will you communicate with her?”  My answer: “I’m not totally sure.”  I know that Alexis can speak, but I’m not sure how clearly she can communicate. I’ve downloaded the Google translate app and reserved some books/dvds from the library. I’m sure that we can learn a lot before she arrive this Friday, right?  Ha!  I’m also reaching out to some Chinese-speakers in our area to see if they can come to our house and talk to Alexis.  If you know any Chinese-speakers in the Midlothian, VA area, please send them my way!

• What do we know about Alexis?  She is 9 years old, and she has been in an orphanage since birth.  She was abandoned as a newborn and found in a train station.  She had a heart defect and a spinal defect. She's had at least 2 surgeries (one at birth, one at age 4), and she has developmental delays.  She can walk and talk, dress herself, and use the bathroom independently.  There are many unknowns, but we look forward to learning about what she likes to do/eat/watch/etc and what she doesn't like.  This is a video of her made from February 2016, I think.

•   Another question I’ve heard is, “Why are you doing this?” This question has several answers:

a.       We love Jesus and want to answer His call to care for the widows and orphans. 

b.      There is an orphan crisis, and we want to help.

c.       We have been blessed with so much, and we want to share that.  We have room in our van, room at our table, room in our house, and room in our hearts for another person.

d.      We want to advocate for Alexis and hopefully help find a forever family for her.  Hosted children are exponentially more likely to be adopted than non-hosted children (I'll try to cite my source on this at a later date).  We will do this by:

                                                               i.      Posting pictures and videos of her on social media (there are many online adoption groups)

                                                             ii.      Updating this blog and circulating this info to online adoption groups

                                                            iii.      Welcoming folks into our home to meet Alexis who are considering an international adoption.

                                                           iv.      Networking with other host families and sharing resources with them.  The reason we knew about this program is because of my two dear friends from church who are also hosting Chinese orphans this summer.  Check out Rebecca's blog and Tracy's blog.

•  What we need:
• Prayer. Please pray for a forever home for Alexis.  Please pray for a lot of GRACE in our home in the coming month.  Please pray that everyone stays healthy and safe.  And pray that time in the US would put seeds of faith in Alexis' hear. 
• Mandarin - Chinese speakers, especially in Midlothian, VA.  I'd love to have a few folks over to the house to speak to Alexis so that we can communicate a little bit.  If you know of a Mandarin speaker locally, could you please forward this info to him or her?
• Social networking. Feel free to share this blog with your friends who are interested in international adoption.  Or just share in general...you never know when someone's heart may be stirred.

• Thanks for reading!  Alexis arrives this Friday....hope to update soon!  She will be here until July 22nd.