Postscript

As Alexis' departure approached, we all hugged all the time.

It has been two weeks since Alexis flew back to China.

It's hard to know how to even talk about it so here are some of the questions I've been answering:

How did you prepare for her to leave?
We had a beautiful translator friend come to the house the night before Alexis' departure and explain to her that she would be getting on the airplane the next day.  We packed her bag together.  She was excited to see the plane and see her friends again. 

The translator told her that we love her very much, we have loved our time with her, and we will pray for her every day.  There were no tears....just a lot of nodding and smiling.

We also gave her a memory book so that she can remember her time here.

Our beautiful Taiwanese friend/translator

How was the airport send off?
Remarkably flat.  I had prepared for a Steel Magnolias cry at the airport, but we were all calm.  Alexis was thrilled to be getting on an airplane, and frankly, I'm not sure if she understood what it all meant.  At the airport, we reunited with her caregiver and one of her friends from the orphanage.  Again, it was kind of a flat experience when Alexis saw them.  When it was time for her to go, Alexis hugged us, waved goodbye, and willingly went with her caregiver.  

What is it like at home now?
The first week after Alexis left, I spent a LOT of time asleep.  A lot.  My guess is that that was a combination of mental and physical exhaustion.  Strangely, having three kids seems easier now. :)  We miss Alexis.  We talk about funny things she would say and do, and we often wonder what she's doing at the orphanage, and if she is healthy, happy, loved, etc.

Have you heard from her?
We heard from the coordinator that the group landed in Beijing.  Sadly, there is no way to communicate directly with the orphans.  I hope that her memory book is safe and that she can remember our time together and our love for her.

What happens now?
We wait, pray, and continue to advocate for her. We desire for her to be adopted by a forever family.  Anyone interested in adopting her should contact Living Hope Internation, the agency who "handles" her. Please continue to share the blog.  Please continue to pray for her.

Would you host again?
Probably.  We need some recovery time, but yes, we'd do it again.  Emily (our 7 year-old) has already asked repeatedly if Alexis can come back next summer.  I do not know if that is a possibility, and again, our greatest hope is that she would be adopted by a forever family.

I have two good friends in Richmond who are hosting right now.  They are hosting two boys from a different orphanage in China.  You can read about Rebecca's hosting and Tracy's hosting here.

What has been your biggest takeaway?
Humility.

Humbled by the generosity of my family, friends, co-workers and church family.  We received meals, gift cards, money, clothes, shoes, etc. Every day, I received encouraging messages, texts, calls.  We would NOT have made it without you.  Thank you!!

Humbled by the Facebook community who has liberally shared this blog around the world.  Thank you!

Humbled by God for the privilege to be able to host and love an orphan.  Hosting was really hard, but the Lord gave us strength every minute of every day.  Every minute. Every day.

Humbled that my biological kids are healthy, safe, loved. There are so many kids in the world lacking in one or all of these arenas.  Lord, please keep Alexis safe and healthy.  Help her to know that you see her, you love her and you have a good plan for her.  Please provide kind caregivers to take care of her while she waits for a forever family.
 
Humbled that a forever family was not found for Alexis while she was here.  If I am honest with myself, I wanted to find Alexis a forever home and cross that off my list. I've really had to wrestle with my pride and being tempted to feel like I failed.  We love Alexis and she had a really great month with us, but I really wanted her to go back to China with a forever family identified.  This has been a really hard lesson in believing what I say I believe...that God's plan is good, perfect, and better than what I can imagine.  Submitting to God's timeline and plan for Alexis has been hard, but totally worth it.

Thank you, Reader, for following along with us on this journey. 

Packing in the Fun

 We take Alexis to DC tomorrow to board her plane back to China.  Surreal.  For her last week here, we have been packing in the fun! 

Local Corn & Watermelon Festival

Hay ride!

Chowing down on roasted sweet corn

Make a goofy face!

That kind man in the background cleared the bouncy house so that Alexis could get through

Pony ride!  Unsure at first, but then loved it!

Hayride back to the van.  We are HOT!

Putt Putt in Midlothian!

Playing some Putt Putt. All the kids LOVED it.

Hysterical.  She made it to Hole 16 and then tired out. 

Davison took all 3 girls (separately) on the Go Karts.  Thanks for being so fun, D!

Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden

Thank you to everyone for the guest passes!  We had a fabulous day at Lewis Ginter, especially with the LEGO exhibit and Splash Pad.

That butterfly is made of LEGO pieces!!

Splash Pad was crucial on a 90 degree day.

Each child made a LEGO brick creation to contribute to the wall in the LG Library

We have a translator/friend coming to the house tonight to explain to Alexis that she's going to the airport tomorrow.  We're also going to talk through what things she would like to pack in her (small) backpack.  We plan to cram that bag full!  We have made a little photo/memory book of all of her experiences to take back with her as well.

I have no idea what is going through Alexis' mind now.  I do not know how it is going to go with the translator tonight.  We don't tell her things much in advance because she asks the same questions about things over and over.  I think she struggles some with short term memory. She may be glad to see her orphanage family, eat familiar foods and sleep in her bed.  She may be sad.  She may be relieved.  I just do not know. 

So how do we feel about her departure tomorrow?  I'm sure it will take months of processing that question, but for right now, this Mama is tired.  Mostly just physically tired.  And I think that our biological kids are looking forward to their "normal" routine and "normal" Mama (please refrain from smirking).  I feel sad that no potential adoptive families have contacted us or her agency about meeting her while she is in the US, but we are people of HOPE.  A family can come forward at any time to adopt her.  We will not stop praying for Alexis...for a forever family for her, for her health, her education, her faith and her future.  She has changed our lives, and I hope that we have given her some hope for her future.  Thank you for reading and sharing.

One More Week in the US

The Von Trapp Family Singers

Today we hit the 3-week mark that Alexis has been with our family.  We have settled into a routine of sorts, and I can honestly say that we are no longer overwhelmed.  Are we pushed to our limit and stressed?  Yes...but not overwhelmed.  Is it loud and chaotic in our house?  Yes, all the time.  The difference is that Alexis has become precious and dear to us, even with her noises. :) We love her, and we long for her to have a forever home.

Free Slurpee day at 7-11

This past week has been super fun.  My in-law's church has been having VBS, and all of my kids attended.   Because of the Through the Roof Ministry at Sycamore, kids with special needs can attend VBS. Alexis has had the same "Buddy" at VBS all week and has loved it!  Alexis participates in as many activities as she can, but if an activity becomes too much or too hard, there is a special room where she and her buddy (and other kids with buddies) can go to chill out, play with sand, do a craft, etc.  This program has been a HUGE blessing to Alexis and it has given me a few hours to myself which have been invaluable.

Alexis and her VBS "Buddy"

We missed VBS on Tuesday so that Alexis could have two teeth pulled.  She was a ROCK STAR!  She was so excited to be at the dentist, and she barely flinched during the procedure.  I was able to stay with her the whole time, and I was incredibly proud of her.  She had two baby teeth extracted to make room for overcrowded permanent teeth.  The dentist who saw her said that she could tell that Alexis had been to a dentist before and had had preventative care. Awesome! The dentist gave Alexis her baby teeth in a little container that she wears around her neck.  She proudly takes out her teeth a few times each day to show me. :)

Alexis was a rock start for her teeth extractions!

Frequently asked questions:
I've been getting a lot of similar questions so I'm compiling them here.

Q. What is the point of orphan hosting (most common question)? 
Several answers:
1.  Orphans are told that they are coming to "camp" in the US for a month.  This is a really fun vacation for orphans.  They get to see and experience things that they would otherwise never know outside of an orphanage.  They also get to see and experience the love of a family.

2. Once a child comes to the US and has an "advocate" (our family & the hosting agency), the likelihood that he or she will be adopted increases SIGNIFICANTLY.  My role as the advocate is to bring awareness to Alexis' situation and share her story.  I post about Alexis on various websites of folks interested in international or special needs adoptions.

3. Some people want to "test drive" adoption.  The child is never told this, but hosting is a low-threatening way for families to practice or test run an adoption.  Host families are given priority in adopting the hosted child.  A family can contact me or the hosting agency about meeting Alexis while she is in the States and see if she may be a good fit for that family.

Our home away from home...the pool

Q. Why are you doing this? 
See the end of my first blog post

Q. Does she have to go back to China ?
Yes.  She is on a tourist visa and must return to China next Friday no matter what.

Q.  What will happen to her when she goes back to China? 
Alexis will return to her orphanage (where she has lived her entire life) next Friday.  We will continue to pray and advocate for her in the hopes that a forever family will adopt her.  Her host agency will also continue to advocate on her behalf. She will age out of the orphanage at age 15 or 16, and at point, she will be on her own.  Devastating. 

Q.  Does your family want to adopt her? 
(Insert lump in my throat) 
 Ugh...This one is the hardest one to answer because I can never fully answer this.  Our family loves Alexis and we may host again, but we are not going to adopt her.  I have some guilt about this, but I (am trying to) trust God to provide a forever home for her...if that is what He wants.  The Lord may have a different plan for her life.   I could list out some reasons, but in short, we have not felt a "call" to adopt.  We have felt a call to love orphans, and hosting Alexis has been a small way that we can do that.  That answer always feels insufficient when I give it, but it is what it is.

Q.  How can I help?  
We have been BLOWN away by the generosity of friends, family and strangers.  Thank you to everyone for meals, gift cards, monetary gifts, prayers, notes of encouragement, etc.  If you would like to help, you can continue to share this blog and PRAY for a forever home for Alexis.  The adoption/foster care community is close-knit so please share this blog with folks you know who are tied in to that community.  Thank you!  You could also consider hosting.  We are hosting through Living Hope International, and they have been wonderful, but there are other agencies that you can host through also.

I could go on and on, but I'm fading and need to wrap this up.  Thank you for reading!

Little sisters are very protective of Alexis

Halfway Point

Alexis has been with us for 2 weeks (and 1 day). So we are at the halfway point now.  We take her back to the airport on July 22nd.  In some ways, it has been a fast 2 weeks and in other ways, it has felt long.  Ever had that feeling?

Alexis LOVES to go and do...she is much happier when we are going places.  Thankfully, that suits my family's style.  We all seem to do better when we are out and about.  Alexis is very curious about the world and people.  One Chinese phrase that I quickly learned was, "Where are we going?"  She asks that a lot!  So where are we going?

The Children's Museum:

Paint to your heart's content...just not in my kitchen! :)

Working on our fear of animals

Double Trouble

Apple picking was one of her faves!

 Blueberry Picking:

Alexis rocked at blueberry picking!

Can you tell we were HOT?

The pool:
Alexis has become quite the water baby.  I don't have any pictures of her IN the water because she's SO pumped up about the water that I have to stay very close to her all the time.  If I'm able to devote a lot of attention to her, I take off her life jacket in the shallower section. She loves for me to hold her while she floats on her back, and she likes me to take her to the deeper sections.  She LOVES to go underwater.  I didn't expect her to love the water so much so quickly.  We are at the pool a lot so this is great, but I have to be vigilant when all the kids are at the pool.

Taken before she bit the bottom off of the Drumstick - yikes!

Sweet girl

The SPCA (friend's birthday party):

Working up her courage to pet "Wednesday," the cat

Trying to get used to a dog

Keeping a safe distance

The movies:
 I was so proud of Alexis.  She sat still for most of Finding Dory.  Sitting still is not her strong suit so we were nervous to try a movie.  Overall, I think she liked the movie...I know that she liked the M&Ms we brought. :) But in this circumstance, I was glad that Alexis cannot speak English because I think the movie may have been hard on her heart.  I know it was hard on mine.  I won't spoil the movie for you, but it is primarily focused on Dory getting lost from her parents and the quest for them to find one another.  One line Dory's mom or dad says is something like, "We will never stop looking for you. We will always come for you." (I am paraphrasing).  Because I had an orphan sitting next to me, I was especially sensitive to this theme.  How would it feel to not have a parent who will always look for you or always come for you? It hurt my heart to think about this, and I sat there thankful that Alexis wasn't understanding the words.  Ultimately, I rest in knowing that our Heavenly Father never slumbers and always pursues us.  Lord, please help Alexis to know that kind of love.

At the entrance to Finding Dory

Everywhere in between:

Adapted swing was a BIG hit

We have spent an embarrassing amount of time at Chick Fil A (several of them)!

Being silly

  Observations:

• Alexis understands a lot more English than she can speak.  My mom and I have both noticed this.  She is eager to repeat English words and demonstrates ability to learn language (although I know that it would be a lengthy process). She regularly uses the English words "Hello, Bye-Bye, Mama, No, Ok." 

• She is improving with her attention span to toys and television.  My mom worked with her on puzzles for 30-40 minutes this week.  My mom has worked in Special Education for 30 years, and she was encouraged by this.  What is challenging, however, is that you need to be one-on-one with Alexis for her to "play."  If I just put her in front of pile of puzzles, she may make it a few minutes.  But if I sit with her to do the puzzles, she will work them for much longer.  Unfortunately, there are very few times during the day when I can be one-on-one with someone, and sometimes (many times), I just want to zone out during those down times.  

What we need:

• Please continue to share the blog liberally.  The blog has had over 5400 views!  Wow, thank you!  

• Continued prayer for a forever family for Alexis. Anyone interested in pursuing an adoption of Alexis can contact me and I'll get you connected to the right person.

• Continued prayer for endurance for our family.

Looking for that Second Wind...

Last night of VBS snuggles with "Mama"

Health Update:

• You generous people have provided us with the $350 to have Alexis' two teeth extracted on July 12th.  Thank you!  Her quality of life will be forever improved.

• A Midlothian eye doctor saw Alexis pro bono this past Saturday.  Good news: in terms of spina bifida, she's actually not too bad and he does not think that her eyes will deteriorate much more.  Bad news: she needs about 2-3 years worth of continuous eye care, most likely including 2 surgeries.  Sadly, glasses would not help her.  She needs surgery to correct muscles in her eyes and her drooping lids. He said that she needs to go to MCV to be seen...her case is beyond his scope of work. 

•  Frequent urination has good days and bad days. A medical friend checked with a colleague and his opinion is that poyluria is par for the course with spina bifida.  It tends to get worse in new situations. 

• Alexis' appetite has really picked up.  She recently ate 3 plates of spaghetti and 2 servings of green beans in one sitting.  Still not much on breakfast or sweets, but eating much more!

Sugared up at the pool

Cantaloupe on the deck

Fourth of July Weekend

• Historically, the 4th of July at my parents' house is my family's favorite holiday!  This year, rain on the 4th foiled our fun!  But we were able to spend Sunday, July 3rd at my parents' church followed by a cookout with friends and family.  We rallied and went to the Staunton Parade on the 4th in the rain.  It wasn't ideal, but kids aren't nearly as phased by rain as adults.

• During the Sunday worship service in Staunton, Alexis behaved nearly perfectly.  During the call and response readings, she murmured words.  She tried to hold the hymnal and hummed along.  It was very dear.  She takes in everything around her and is quick to pick up on what is happening.

Alexis loves babies and really took to my niece!

Our little Patriot

Air hockey at my parents' church

Determined to enjoy the Staunton parade...in the rain

What we Need:

• While we probably don't have enough time to do much before she returns to China on July 22nd, if you have any connections to the MCV Eye Clinic, we'd love to know them.  The eye doctor in Midlo said that "the residents at MCV would have a heyday with her." 

• Please continue to share the blog with anyone you may know who is interested in adoption.  

• We have enough Lewis Ginter guest passes now.  We plan to go next week.  Thank you!

• Please pray for a forever family for Alexis.  She really needs a forever home. 

• Please pray for endurance for our family.  Please pray for my grumpiness.  This experience is very hard and has revealed my idols of PERSONAL SPACE and alone time.  I am having none of either.  Each day, my fuse seems shorter.  My hubs, bio kids, mom and close friends have endured A LOT of crabbiness from me. 

•  Prayers that our kids could connect with Alexis.  It's been hard for my girls, especially, to play with Alexis because she doesn't really know how to play (although she is improving).  Emily is irritated when Alexis doesn't follow the rules (classic oldest child) and often wants to be another mom to her.  Alexis "plays" the most with 2-year-old H, and that's because they have a similar style of interacting with toys...including screaming at one another because sharing is hard. 

Random fun:

"Anna Alexis"

At the pet store...working on her fear of EVERY animal

Sand play is her favorite!

Everyone loves Grandma!